also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
