Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
