Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
kristin has been a bad kristin
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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