So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
