can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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