like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
