i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
