i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
