If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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