Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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