your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
