chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
