He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
