mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize
