Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
