Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This baby is an asshole
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
