why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
