i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
