You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
