Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
