I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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