he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
