I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
