uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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