Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
