just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
