i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
