dude i'm inner monologue high
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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