I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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