Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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