Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
