Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.

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(510): View more from California

I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series

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(404): View more from Georgia

I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today

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(904): View more from Florida

So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!

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(913): View more from Kansas

sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.

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