So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
