Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
