my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
