I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
