If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
