I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found puke in my bra..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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