i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
