martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
