I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
