So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
