A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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