i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
