and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
