Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
