I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
