The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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