i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
