and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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