I think my fart just growled at me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
