i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
