Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
