Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
